Monday, February 1, 2010

Hot Cocoa and Forgivness

"Hi, how are you? C'mon in. Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"

"No? You sure? It's not a problem, really. A beer? Scotch? Bourbon? Ice Tea or Coffee?... No, hmm. Oh, I know... No, no, no... Please sit down in the living room there is a really nice comfortable couch and love seat in there."

"Yeah, I have some jazz on. What? Oh, Miles Davis, Seven Steps To Heaven. Yeah, it is pretty cool and one of my favorites. Yeah, go ahead take your shoes off, get comfortable. I will be right with you."

"Here you go. Oh? Just some home made hot cocoa with whipped cream and fresh ground nutmeg. Yeah, I used a semi-sweet chocolate. Hm? You never tried it? Oh, it is really good, I am sure you will like it. I got the recipe from my Grandmother back in Wisconsin when I was a kid. You see me and my cousins would be outside almost all day making snowmen, snow forts and having snowball fights and when the sun began to set we would come in from the cold all wet, tired, hungry and thirsty and there on the kitchen table would be a big pile of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or bologna and cheese with fresh hot cocoa and large glasses of milk too. We would eat, drink and relive the days adventures and battles while Grandma would lean against the stove smiling at us and listening to every word that came out of our mouths."

"Oh, the recipe for the cocoa? Nothing special about it really. Sure I will give it to you after all you are a friend and I don't mind sharing it with you. I'm sorry I misunderstood you your question. I learned how to make it one day when I was sick and could'nt go outside. All my cousins were out there playing and tearing up neighborhood and I was stuck inside all day with a fever in a bedroom that smelled as if it had been painted with moth ball scented amonia base paint."

"I digress, I did'nt invite you over to hear tales of my childhood and almost lost family recipes. I invited you by to hear how things were going with you. Yes, you. Your important to me. So, How have things been with you?"

"Really? Just fine? No drama? No new friends? Found Loves? Lost Loves? No crazy, drunken nights that you can't remember? One night stands? Any issues with room mates?"

"No? None of those? Really? Just working and taking care of things?"

"Hey, c'mon, slow down... I'm serious, you have that look in your eye. Your getting a bit misty. What are you thinking about? It's ok, just let it out. You know you can say what you need to here. It's always safe. I have two ears that work real well when it comes to listening and wide shoulders if you need to lean on something."

"It's ok, let it out, let out all that black, gooey, cancerous emotional pain thats festering inside you. That sort of stuff can kill a person. You'll be ok, let it out. I understand. You should be treated better. No, no you can't hurt those that hurt you, that will only perpetuate the problem."

"The problem you say? Simple, Not enough forgivness. Yup, that simple. You just forgive. No, you don't let them walk all over you again. No, you don't let them abuse you. No, you don't forget. You Forgive. It's that simple and it's that hard. Sure, once your comfortable with the thought of forgiving someone for something they have done to you intentionally or even unintentionally you say to yourself ""I am going to forgive that person."" and you do. But you forget one vital important fact... Your only half done with your forgivness. You have to forgive yourself too."

"It does make sense. Stay with me on this one. Sure I will get you another hot cocoa but why don't you come into the kitchen and watch me make it so you will know how to do it yourself when you want some and I'm not around."

"Ok, where were we... I got it...Yup, crazy, mixed up thoughts of Forgiving Yourself after some malignant tumor of human waste has hurt you...No, I don't feel that is too harsh. Once you find it in your heart to forgive that person you will inevitably find that you become mistrustful of others no matter what thier intention is towards you. And that my friend is a path that leads to you living by yourself in a house filled with cats and kids in the neighborhood crossing the street whenever they approach your house. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF! Or else you will one day wake up and find you don't value yourself. If you don't forgive yourself you will one day not know the person in the mirror looking at you. You will lose yourself to the pain of believing that everyone in the world that you come into contact with is out to hurt you. Now, it ain't easy, trust me on this one. I know. I know firsthand how hard it is to forgive oneself for allowing others to treat you like crap, to hurt you, to have been betrayed by someone you thought was your best friend and then forgive them only to be betrayed again and you say to yourself "" I AM NEVER ALLOWING ANYONE CLOSE TO ME EVER AGAIN!"" But you HAVE too. You have to forgive them and you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made so that you can move forward in your life to an area known as Hope."

"It's ok, let it out. I understand. Things get a bit crazy when you strip yourself naked emotionally. But it feels good doesn't it? Hmm? Nah, remember, what you say here stays here. No one will ever know what you say or your name. I swear to God I would never divulge any secrets you feel nescessarry to help you on your way to becoming a better person."

"I know, it's getting late, the bathroom is right through there if you need to wash up. Yeah, go ahead, I'll clean these dishes up. Take your time."

"Oh? You have to go? Ok, well I enjoyed your visit. I always do. You mean a lot to me and I really enjoy our visits. I just wish they weren't so much time between them. I tell you what, why don't you stop by next week and we will have a quick bite to eat. I have been experimenting with some new cheesecake recipes and they have been really turning out well."

"Ok, well take care and don't forget... Forgive them but Forgive Yourself too. Oh, and next week I will have some cheesecake for you."

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