Monday, February 22, 2010

Not News Worthy

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter E.

Today the letter E. stands for Eldrige "Tiger" Woods.

Yup, that is where I am going. I have succumbed to the media madness surrounding Tiger. Oh, and if you don't know what has been going on with Tiger over the past 4 months or so please STOP READING NOW! I am serious, STOP READING THIS BLOG!!!

Last week Tiger Woods came out and publicly apologized to the world about an affair or affairs that he had while married to his wife. As far as I am concerned I don't care. I just don't care. I don't have the capacity to care about Tiger Woods and his extramarital affairs, heck I barely have time to care if he wins a Golf game. I am too busy. I don't have too much stuff going on in my life.

Seriously, why would anyone care who Tiger slept with? To me it's like all those phone calls people make to vote for the next Pop Singer to become a multi-millionaire. I just can't find it in me to care. Maybe I am a mutant, an exception to the public rule. Maybe I am missing a certain coding in my DNA makeup. That would explain a lot about me I suppose.

So I am just going to wrap this up real quick.

Dear Mr. Eldrige "Tiger" Woods,

I do not accept your apology for cheating on your wife. You don't owe me an apology. I don't care if you sleep with every woman in the world. Your actions on and off the Links have nothing to do with me or anyone I know. I don't care if you get a birdy, bogie or even make Par. I don't care what you do with your 1 wood or 9 iron. If your short game suffers it makes no difference to me. Yes, I enjoy the way your play the game of golf and I like to watch you on the links knocking that little white ball around but then again I also like Hockey and Football and those two sports don't make any difference in my life. So to reiterate, I just don't care about your personal peccadillos or what you do behind closed doors. It makes no difference to me. Do what you want and with who you want I just don't care. I am not in your life nor do I know the pressure of your life and what you go through. It is not my place to judge you nor is it the place of the rest of the population of America. So go back and do what ever you normally do in your life.

There you go, short and sweet. I just can't bring myself to write anymore on this. I could, I have a bunch of opinions on this subject and some of the themes it touches on but for the most part I don't care. And really, does anybody care? And if you are one of those people who do care please let me know why you do?

See, short and sweet.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Emotional Rescue

So last night I spent almost two hours writing a blog that will most likely never see the light of day. I just could not bring myself to publish it for you kind folks here. There were no earth shattering revelations, no poignant insights, there was nothing new to convey. Oh, sure there were some peals of awareness but it lacked a certain intimacy a certain connectivity that I have been trying to build with you my readers. Don't worry I have not hit a wall and I do have several ideas for blogs in the future that hopefully you will like but I am not ready to reveal those to you just yet.

Now, as for today's blog it comes to you straight from a very good friend of mine named Qweequeg and it involves the removal of all that black, gooey, oozy, cancerous build up of emotions that seem to have taken root in all of us. These are emotions that have built up over time and have not been dealt with. They usually sneak up on us when we least expect it. They don't let you know when they arrive, they don't even ring your door bell to announce that they are taking up residency in your psyche. Then, when you least expect it...BAM!!!! They smack you upside your head with a baseball bat. I have come to refer to them by different names but I feel that the term "Ninja Assassin Emotions" fits the best simply because you never know what will let them into your mind or heart. You never know what incident or perceived callous behavior of another human will allow these deadly agents of destruction into your life.

I don't like them, I don't want 'em in me and I try not to let them build up inside of me. I despise them!!! That all being said, I also benefit from them, I think we all do in one form or another. They let us know we are still human, still feeling beings passing through this realm not alone or as robots that are here only to serve a higher power in the great machine of man's quest for domination of everything we cross paths with.

Oh, you want to know how else I benefit from them? Simple, I LOVE nothing better than to sit back with a good friend and a great Cigar over some tasty beverages and extract from them their deepest, darkest, most painful and disturbing emotions they have built up inside of them. To hear from another sentient creature that "YES! I HAVE BEEN HURT AND HERE IS HOW IT HAPPENED!" makes me feel not so alone in this insane world. To know another person is willing to connect with me on an intimate level that is usually either shared with your psychiatrist or in a drunken rage that involves the Police, Fire Department and EMT's as well, is a compliment to me and makes my heart swell.

We build a friendship that is not forged in iron or steel but one that has been forged through the fires of time and pain. Unwanted, unneeded and unresolved pain that can cause a person to freeze up in fear, can cause a person to attempt suicide, can make a person run to the bitter demon of drugs and alcohol abuse, can make you push away future friends and current family.

Through these surgical talks we build a friendship that will withstand the maelstrom of life's small issues as well as large ones. We end up forging something that is next to impossible to destroy. We build a family not connected by blood and bone but by tears, pain, self torture and incalculable abuse heaped on a human by the metric ton. It amazes me at what I have heard people say to me about what has happened to them at the hands of others. It amazes me that some folks are still able to put together a coherent sentence and are able to function. Heck, it amazes me that I can still manage to operate the remote control for the television at times but that is another story.

Now, I am not saying you dear reader need to call me on the phone or shoot me off an email depositing all of your perceived pain. What I am asking is that if you feel as if I may have touched a nerve here, if you have some "BLACK,GOOEY,OOZEY,CANCEROUS" unresolved feelings that are holding you back in life, find someone to share them with. Find a friend, a confidant. Someone who wont' judge you for what your going through, for what you've been through, for what you NEED to have extracted from you with Mental Surgical Precision that only a good listener can give you, which is the opportunity to get it out of you so that YOU can be the BEST YOU EVER!

That is all I ask, I want You, Dear Reader, to be the BEST Person you can be. And then, once you have had the opportunity to extract your pain, turn it around and allow someone else to unload their pain on you and accept it. Let them know it's ok to feel the way they do and that you are here for them. That YOU CARE! Trust me, it will be the most rewarding time you have ever spent with a friend.

Well, time for me to go, you all have fun and play nice.

Monday, February 8, 2010

aMUSEing resolutions + an extra

Hello one and all. I am glad your back and I am glad to be back speaking with you. I also want to take this opportunity to let you all know a few things about what is going on here with me and why I have started to do a blog and a few other semi-intimate facts. Oooo Semi-Intimate... Sounds.....DIRTY. But don't get too excited, it ain't, that's for sure. So without further ado I shall now present to you the newest abomination of thoughts from the deep recesses of my brain.

Currently it is 1156 am on February 8th and I am not really used to writing while the sun is high in the sky. Well, not like this at least. You see, I made a few New Years Resolutions but I didn't make them on New Years Eve like the rest of the population of this Gianormous-Mud-Ball we happen to be visiting for our brief period of existence. I made my resolutions a few days later.

I have always had issues with resolutions and self improvement which should be no surprise to some of you out there that know me. Heck, years ago, in my drinking, drugs, smoking and womanizing days, when I had about 10 bajillion more problems and issues than I do now I could easily point a finger at what I needed to change or stop or give up to help make myself a better instrument of society, God and the human race but now, with so many years and under my belt and experiences both good and bad behind me I have found myself in a quandary.

The last few years during the season of Lent and Fasting at my church I found myself with not a very many vices left to avoid or give up. I had quit smoking, quit drinking, quit coffee, quit cursing unnecessarily and had resigned myself to a more quiet an peaceful existence. So I found myself "Taking-On" things. Things like daily praying, being nice to people I don't like, meditation and introspective thought. It worked. I became nicer, calmer and more well liked by my co-workers and friends alike. Heck, even some folks who only knew me by my reputation seemed to have heard that I had started to become nicer. It was an extremely strange time for me.

Now, recently, with the passing of a new year, I found myself once again struggling for some sort of self-improvement project to help quiet the storm that rages inside of me. To help bring peace to the constant conflict between the physical and spiritual duality that resides in us all and I could only come up with two things. One of them was writing. To use writing as a tool to help remove some of the flotsam and jetsam that has been cluttering up the flow of energy that keeps me from being who I am supposed to be. To help me become the Man that my God wants me to be, to be the Husband my Wife needs me to be and to be the Father my daughter deserves to have.

I believe it is working and I have a personal goal for my writing. It is not an insurmountable goal for me but it is a goal. I will not divulge what it is but I am sure that there are a few of you who will figure it out. After all, if your reading this and any of my other random thoughts you can't be in that large group of people I have come to dearly refer to as "The Moochers". That is not my term, I have borrowed it from Ayn Rand. She truly was an amazing writer and human being who I have respected for a long time. More on her later.

Why writing? you may be asking yourself or me for that matter. The answer is simple, I have always written. Most of it I have burned and what little of my musings that have seen the light of day or have been read by people other than me don't have a very long shelf life. I like to destroy what I write. It is purifying for me. It makes me feel better about the stuff I am going through. A purge so to speak. It works for me. Some folks work out. I gave that up when I left the Navy besides, there is no time when you work like I do.So writing was a logical choice and now all my stuff, well not all of it, is out here in the "Blue-Nowhere" for everyone who wants to take their time, to read it, comment on it and either enjoy it or hate it. I have to live with that. I consider it as "Stepping out of my box" and that is not easy for me. I have received some pretty positive feedback from what I am doing here. Which is good. Surprising to me but good. Don't worry, I don't believe I will get a "BIGHEAD" from this. I actually find it all very humbling. I just hope that when I do get some negative feedback I won't take it personally. I also hope that some of my "Other Projects" are as well recieved.

Oh, on a side note, I have discovered that my "Muse" is a vindictive little wench. She wants me to write more, to feed her insatiable appetite for my thoughts and musings. So I have started on some other projects. Some may never see the light of day and some may. I don't know. I really don't want to know. For now I am just gonna enjoy the feeling of being able to get rid of some junk in my mind. I hope you, yes YOU, enjoy this as much as I am. Oh, and you do know who YOU are don't you?

Oh, and for all of you who wanted this recipe from my last blog, here it is:

Skip's Hot Chocolate

Handful of Bittersweet Chocolate Chopped
Handful of Milk Chocolate Chopped
about 3 cups of WHOLE milk
about 2 cups of Half and Half
3 or 4 pinches of sugar
about a teaspoon or so of PURE VANILLA
Whipped cream in a can.
Nutmeg or Cinnamon (NOT CINNAMON SUGAR)

Heat the milk and the half and half to almost boiling
Throw in the chocolate and start stiring. Add the rest of the ingredients till everything is smooth.

Top with whipped cream, nutmeg or cinnamon and enjoy.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Hot Cocoa and Forgivness

"Hi, how are you? C'mon in. Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"

"No? You sure? It's not a problem, really. A beer? Scotch? Bourbon? Ice Tea or Coffee?... No, hmm. Oh, I know... No, no, no... Please sit down in the living room there is a really nice comfortable couch and love seat in there."

"Yeah, I have some jazz on. What? Oh, Miles Davis, Seven Steps To Heaven. Yeah, it is pretty cool and one of my favorites. Yeah, go ahead take your shoes off, get comfortable. I will be right with you."

"Here you go. Oh? Just some home made hot cocoa with whipped cream and fresh ground nutmeg. Yeah, I used a semi-sweet chocolate. Hm? You never tried it? Oh, it is really good, I am sure you will like it. I got the recipe from my Grandmother back in Wisconsin when I was a kid. You see me and my cousins would be outside almost all day making snowmen, snow forts and having snowball fights and when the sun began to set we would come in from the cold all wet, tired, hungry and thirsty and there on the kitchen table would be a big pile of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or bologna and cheese with fresh hot cocoa and large glasses of milk too. We would eat, drink and relive the days adventures and battles while Grandma would lean against the stove smiling at us and listening to every word that came out of our mouths."

"Oh, the recipe for the cocoa? Nothing special about it really. Sure I will give it to you after all you are a friend and I don't mind sharing it with you. I'm sorry I misunderstood you your question. I learned how to make it one day when I was sick and could'nt go outside. All my cousins were out there playing and tearing up neighborhood and I was stuck inside all day with a fever in a bedroom that smelled as if it had been painted with moth ball scented amonia base paint."

"I digress, I did'nt invite you over to hear tales of my childhood and almost lost family recipes. I invited you by to hear how things were going with you. Yes, you. Your important to me. So, How have things been with you?"

"Really? Just fine? No drama? No new friends? Found Loves? Lost Loves? No crazy, drunken nights that you can't remember? One night stands? Any issues with room mates?"

"No? None of those? Really? Just working and taking care of things?"

"Hey, c'mon, slow down... I'm serious, you have that look in your eye. Your getting a bit misty. What are you thinking about? It's ok, just let it out. You know you can say what you need to here. It's always safe. I have two ears that work real well when it comes to listening and wide shoulders if you need to lean on something."

"It's ok, let it out, let out all that black, gooey, cancerous emotional pain thats festering inside you. That sort of stuff can kill a person. You'll be ok, let it out. I understand. You should be treated better. No, no you can't hurt those that hurt you, that will only perpetuate the problem."

"The problem you say? Simple, Not enough forgivness. Yup, that simple. You just forgive. No, you don't let them walk all over you again. No, you don't let them abuse you. No, you don't forget. You Forgive. It's that simple and it's that hard. Sure, once your comfortable with the thought of forgiving someone for something they have done to you intentionally or even unintentionally you say to yourself ""I am going to forgive that person."" and you do. But you forget one vital important fact... Your only half done with your forgivness. You have to forgive yourself too."

"It does make sense. Stay with me on this one. Sure I will get you another hot cocoa but why don't you come into the kitchen and watch me make it so you will know how to do it yourself when you want some and I'm not around."

"Ok, where were we... I got it...Yup, crazy, mixed up thoughts of Forgiving Yourself after some malignant tumor of human waste has hurt you...No, I don't feel that is too harsh. Once you find it in your heart to forgive that person you will inevitably find that you become mistrustful of others no matter what thier intention is towards you. And that my friend is a path that leads to you living by yourself in a house filled with cats and kids in the neighborhood crossing the street whenever they approach your house. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF! Or else you will one day wake up and find you don't value yourself. If you don't forgive yourself you will one day not know the person in the mirror looking at you. You will lose yourself to the pain of believing that everyone in the world that you come into contact with is out to hurt you. Now, it ain't easy, trust me on this one. I know. I know firsthand how hard it is to forgive oneself for allowing others to treat you like crap, to hurt you, to have been betrayed by someone you thought was your best friend and then forgive them only to be betrayed again and you say to yourself "" I AM NEVER ALLOWING ANYONE CLOSE TO ME EVER AGAIN!"" But you HAVE too. You have to forgive them and you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made so that you can move forward in your life to an area known as Hope."

"It's ok, let it out. I understand. Things get a bit crazy when you strip yourself naked emotionally. But it feels good doesn't it? Hmm? Nah, remember, what you say here stays here. No one will ever know what you say or your name. I swear to God I would never divulge any secrets you feel nescessarry to help you on your way to becoming a better person."

"I know, it's getting late, the bathroom is right through there if you need to wash up. Yeah, go ahead, I'll clean these dishes up. Take your time."

"Oh? You have to go? Ok, well I enjoyed your visit. I always do. You mean a lot to me and I really enjoy our visits. I just wish they weren't so much time between them. I tell you what, why don't you stop by next week and we will have a quick bite to eat. I have been experimenting with some new cheesecake recipes and they have been really turning out well."

"Ok, well take care and don't forget... Forgive them but Forgive Yourself too. Oh, and next week I will have some cheesecake for you."