I went for a ride today.
By ride I mean I hopped on my Harley, got on an interstate and shifted my way through the gears as quickly as I could. The wind in my ears drowned out the bullshit in my life. The freedom, speed and agility of my bike made my head clear from all the clutter that has been lying to my conscious. My thoughts cleared and I felt good.
I felt good for the first time in weeks.
Yes, I know the stress and pressure of life, and the tolls it takes on all of us daily. I also realize I have very little time for implementing my relief valve. That valve… riding into the wind and forgetting about life. Even if it is for just a short while.
My thoughts became ordered as I pulled into a 50 mph curve doing 70. The road was lined on both sides with trees that blocked out the sun. The shade created cooled my body and whisked away the sweat on my arms. It felt good, that brief interlude of mother natures air conditioning. I smiled. A close mouthed smile. Which is when the world let me know it was in charge. A bug, I assume a cicada, flew beneath my drop down face shield and hit my in my lip. It hit so hard my front teeth hurt. I laughed and used my clutch hand to wipe away any goo that may have stuck to my mustache and beard. Yeah, I was in the zone and I felt one with the universe.
For the past few weeks I’ve been stuck in my daily rut. So stuck that while I have felt the urge to write, I’ve stopped myself. But being alone, on the road, two wheels and a V-twin engine between my legs… well that makes me centered. Instead of all the clutter and waste clogging my synapsis, I am free to roam around the eternity of my brain. I’m allowed to just wander through the halls of memories and pluck at the strings of life that has brought me to where I am today. It also lets me know what is important and what is trash.
My father-in-law has not had a good year. This has been a constant source of pestilence in my life. I’ve written about him. You can go back and read the words I wrote about him if you so desire. His current situation is a source of constant worry and dread for me. He is a person I respect and love. Just thinking about what he is going through brings a sorrow to my heart that is deeper than any creation on earth. He truly has been a model of what a human is supposed to be.
My daughter is on the cusp of adulthood. She is a constant source of joy and love. However; I feel she will soon go on her own path of discovery and I will soon be a tertiary character in her life. She has ambition, skill and talent. Three traits when combined are a recipe for success and accolades. I fear that one day I will be but a footnote in her life. While she will thank me and her mother for support and inspiration, her drive will not just make her who she will become but may become a part of what make people want to deny her access to what and who she can be.
My friends… what can I say. I have few close friends who I talk to on a daily basis. One friend a few months ago started to pull away. It hurt then but it hurts even more now. I hope they find the happiness and joy they are looking for but I at a point where I feel everything is one sided. Matter of fact, maybe it’s me… I can’t remember the last time I had a friend ask me how I was doing or what was going on in my life. Maybe I should go back to being a hermit. Being just a voice in the void of life. That way I don’t have to concern myself with all the emotional bullshit.
My family, they are amazing. They take my phone calls, they ask how I’m doing and they are genuinely interested in all the things that are going on in my life. They support me even though I feel I am nothing but a waste of DNA.
My readers, you guys are the reason why I write. Your comments, you likes and your support are a never-ending source of encouragement. Thank you. I will try to create more content for you in the near future.
Okay, this is what happens when I ride and my mind clears. I hope you’ve all been surrounded by loved ones and have had a great summer. I hope to hear from you all soon.
Have a great week.
PS… If you have a motorcycle, go out and ride until you brain clears.