Today is
the last day of my experiment in working less, resting more and enjoying life
in my own fashion. I’ve been relaxed over the past couple of months. So relaxed
in fact that I’ve literally felt almost normal. Well, as normal as one can in
this day and age.
Oddly
enough, I’m at a loss as to if my experiment was a success or a failure. I’d
like to say it was a success but on this last day of my reprieve all the
stress, angst, pressure and bleak outlook as to what the upcoming weeks of
endless work, sleepless nights and bodily pains have crashed back down upon me
with the vengeance of a scorn lover. Meaning, I’m in deep doo-doo.
I don’t
know if I will be able to go back to the way I was, I don’t know if my body can
handle the abuse. I hope it can, I hope I won’t buckle under the endless
pressure. If my past is any indication of my future, then I won’t… for a while.
Hopefully by the time the unseen breaking point draws near I will be in a
position to step back once again.
Which is
kind of funny, you see, over the past two weeks, here in the South, we’ve had
unprecedented amounts of snow fall which has basically shut down my entire
city. Schools have been closed for seven full days. Most businesses were shut
down for at least one day each week and adults across the seven cities with
children have shown great restraint in not locking their offspring outside just
for a few moments of peace and quiet.
Me and mine
went for walks, shoveled snow at our house and our neighbors. We tried to stay
busy. We cleaned, laughed and talked. We also watched endless hours of
television. At one point in time, they were watching a film about a kid who
could travel in time, a talent which he apparently inherited from his father. I
wish I could remember the name of the film, but I can’t. Anyhow, at the end of
the film, the dad is dying and the son is spending time with him, then he
travels back in time to spend more time with his dad. It’s odd, because I don’t
have a relationship like that with my father so I was a bit jealous and
confused by this sort of action. But I went with it, simply because it is a
movie, it’s make believe and I was bored.
The last
conversation the dad and son had the father tells his kid the secret to being
happy in life and how to deal with the gift of time travel. Basically he said
live each day through to the end. Go through all the stress, strife, anger and disappointment
without trying to change anything or anyone. Then, relive the day but this time
enjoy the day, the small moments, breathe in the life of all things around you
because you already know what is going to happen, you can just live in the
moment.
That is
brilliant. Also, I wish I were a time traveler so I could do this. Instead, I
end up just living in the initial moment. Taking in all the bad shit,
processing the bad shit, and then spewing out more bad shit. Computer geeks
call this phenomenon “GIGO” otherwise known as Garbage in, Garbage out. It’s
odd, I’ve known this phrase for years yet this is the first time I’ve seen it
applied to life and I’m the one who is applying it to my life. Least I’m trying
to. All the smart people I know, all the uncertified genius’s, crazy creative
folks and plain old common sense savants. None of them in all of our
conversations and run ins have ever made a connection between the two. Which is
odd but not surprising.
Sidetracked…
I guess
what I’m saying is this;
While I’ve
enjoyed the break in my hectic life over the past two months, I believe it has
come at a cost I’m not really prepared to pay. Not just physically, but
emotionally, spiritually, mentally and financially as well. I suppose it’s like
when you were a kid standing at the edge of a river and you pick up a rock and
toss it in the water. You see a huge splash, then the ripples start out large
and slowly fade. Or do they, do the ripples disappear in time? Or do they leave
behind small shadows of their effect on the fishes lives that make their living
in the water.
That is how
I feel. Like I took a rock, threw it into the pond of my life without looking
at the damage it may cause and not really giving two cents about the repercussions.
Now, looking into the abyss of my near and not so near future, I’m not filled
with regret for not doing everything I should have but I am unsure of what to
expect from my journey into the next ten months. I wish I did. But I’m not a psychic
or a time traveler. I’m just a Polak in a snow bound southern state with debts,
worries, problems and concerns.
In other
words, I’m just like you. Only in a different place and time.
Have a
great week.
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