The first week of my experiment is coming to an end. I can’t remember the last time I have consciously not worked over sixty hours in a week. As I sit here, on my couch because of the almost frigid temperatures that have gripped my adoptive home, resting off and on, napping now and again, I can’t help but feel I’ve made the right decision. Especially after Wednesday.
What happened Wednesday you ask?
Well, I’ll be glad to tell you.
I was tired, beat down and ready for the day to be over before noon had arrived. Of course Wednesday’s have always been my toughest day of the week. You see, it’s my second day of sixteen almost seventeen hour days. Also my final day of working that mad schedule each week. However, now, with my focus on my physical, mental and emotional wellbeing taking precedent in my life, it is hard to even fathom getting out of bed to face that crazy ass day of the week.
I did though. After all, I don’t have much of an option do I? Nope, I’m in a predicament of my own making and I’m doing what I can to make things right. Not just for myself, but my family.
So yeah, where was I? Wednesday. Yup, I was beat, worn out, and at my wits end because all I could see was a day of endless tasks and a body racked with pain every time it moved. I persevered, with some help. A couple of texts to some close friends, a few well-placed words answered my call. It was barely enough to get me through the day. Well, those words along with my persistent checking of the time in an effort to count down how many hours of work I had left in me before I could go home.
Home to a place where I could relax, rest, sleep and let go all of the responsibility of my self-exiled chaotic life. A life whose consequences from my own choices has brought me to this state of weariness.
A weariness I soon hope to shed from my life like an ever growing serpent sheds his skin when he grows. Leaving only behind a thin, papery, hollow replica of what it once was. A smaller, less knowledgeable creature whose wisdom has grown as exponentially as his body.
Maybe that is what I am… no, not a serpent, but a creature who is getting wiser as he grows. Learning lessons that seem natural to most of the world yet have escaped me all these years. Lessons about taking care of oneself, not overdoing things, not overextending your body, mind and soul to the point where you lose the delicate balance that we as God’s creatures are tasked with maintaining yet always find an excuse or two to cause ourselves to topple over and fall into an abyss we don’t even see. Worse yet, we don’t even realize we are falling when it happens. We don’t’ realize it until the fall is almost over and the ground is inches from our faces.
That is where I am now. I’ve seen the hard, rocky floor of my pit, and I’ve decided to apply my own air brakes. In my skewed view, the floor is a bit further away from me than it was a couple weeks ago. I hope it continues to fade. I hope my little experiment works and my balance returns.
After all, life is certainly easier to go through when everything is working together. When the cogs of mental, spiritual, spiritual and physical life fit together and are greased with the non-stressed rest we all so richly deserve. This is what I hope happens. What I need to happen and what I pray will happen not only for me but for all of you, my dear readers.
Lastly, I would like to say that I know this is my first blog of the year, and normally I write an update as to how I did with my resolutions from last year. Well, that blog is going to have to wait. Why? Because with my new outlook on life, changes follow and those changes affect everything from my sleeping habits to my writing habits. So, don’t worry, I am sure I will write my yearly update in the near future.
For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy my time off. I’m going to rest, sleep, catch up on television shows, reading and spending time with my family. I don’t think anyone would blame me for those choices.
I hope you’ve had a great holiday season and a safe new year. I look forward to communicating more with you all in the future.
Have a great week.