Wow, I just realized it was Thursday night and my weekly deadline in looming. (How ominous). My problem is that I don’t what to write about this week. Nothing seems to stand out to me. I mean, sure, I have plenty of topics floating around my scattered and scared mind that I could explore, but what would make anyone want to read those?
Quick update, I attended a horror convention that I was reluctant to go to. I also saw firsthand the works of the adversary in my church and I worked hard and diligently to stop a mold infection of an almost irreplaceable artifact collection. That has been my week so far. But which topic do I talk about? What do you want to hear about? Then again, not to be callous, what does your impact as a reader have on what is most important to me in my life at this point?
I suppose I could try and combine all of them. It would make for one truly convoluted blog but I can try… So here goes.
I started/ended last week in Williamsburg, Virginia at a convention called “Scares that Care”. It was/is a convention where the profits go towards charity. I can’t think of a good reason not to attend something that benefits women and children, especially when there are so many cool writers around. Sure, there were actors, artists and vendors, but my main focus was and will always be writers. People that create from their mind and the tortures they’ve endured the tales of woe that give us fear, pause and hope. These people are fascinating to me. Maybe it is because I strive to be one, or maybe it is because I see in them the things that have brought me to where I am today.
A tortured soul, stuck in between people I’m supposed to love, do love and people I would never have any dealing with in my real life. I’m talking about family.
Family… funny who we consider who and what they are. Think about it. Sure, our blood relatives are our family, but how many times do you reach out to them? How often do you talk, connect and share with them? Can you trust them? Can you rely upon them? Can you call them at three am and have them bail you out of jail? If you can, then you are lucky. I know I can’t. I wish I could say differently but I can’t.
I met a bunch of folks, like minded folks this weekend, who have an eye on the dark, the painful, the disparaged and who live life on a razors edge. People who see things as either good or evil. People who see things the way I see them. They see life as a journey, as a transition from one place to the next and when they finally get to the end of this place, they want to be used up, worn out and an empty husk of what they once were. They want to look back and say “Damn! Did you see that shit? It was crazy but I survived and now I’m here! Can I do it again? No? Okay, what’s next?”
Crazy cool people who’ve lived their entire lives without knowing what is next. Or if they do, they just don’t care. But you know what? That’s what draws me to them. Not the walking dead, the absence of value, but the ones who know what they want, how to create what fulfills them and go forth and produce it. Those are the individuals I enjoy meeting and talking seem to have lost. Yet, right now, I’m trying hard to find again. A joy in the present with an unknowing eye on the future and a well-placed focus on their past. Men and women who can reach down into their selves and see what made them and why they act like they do. People on the razors edge.
I feel as if I’m always on that shiny, steel edge of life. As if at any moment all that I’ve worked for can be taken away in an instant. That being said, what happened when I returned from my excursion was of little surprise.
Yeah, Brian, not the Navy Brian, I’m talking about you and Josh. You guys have suffered and are in the midst of some sort of crisis that I wish I could avert with a single thought. But I can’t, I’m only a corporeal substance on this mudball. (Yeah, I like mudball, what of it?) Just know this treachery and torture is but a small part of a larger picture. I am behind you and if it comes to blows, I am now and will always be a soldier for the light. Even though I dwell in the dark. I suppose that is the best place for a soldier, to live, breathe and survive where there is almost no light, but when called upon, to nut up and take out the adversary where they least expect it.
It’s not a place I recommend. Nor would I suggest to anyone. Unless you are of like mind and intellect, you cannot possibly understand. If, however you do understand then you know the commitment and the toll it takes on ones soul to fight the good fight. To place yourself into the abyss with no hope of coming back. If this is you, join the quest, if not, sit by the sidelines and watch the carnage. It’s not pretty, it’s not nice and it is definitely not made for family television. It’s dirty, ugly and leaves most involved questioning the reality of this mudball. I don’t question, I act and react.
So, if anyone from the “Circle” who’ve deemed themselves more knowledgeable and worthy than the elected want to tussle, I’m more than ready to scrap. Just know, I take no prisoners and there will be no quarter afforded. I’m in it for the long haul. You may think you know better but you don’t. You’ve forgotten what you’ve been taught and what has been offered to you. Do not test me. You will lose and you will not know from whence you started until it is too late.
There is more in scripture about trust, from Joshua to Revelation, than you will ever understand. Same goes for trusting the fishers of men, from exodus to second Timothy and beyond. As for elected officials, from Exodus through Romans. Go figure.
There is an inherent trust we should afford our leaders and if you have an issue, please feel free to talk to them. Either one on one or in a group. But, please do not sell yourself out to subterfuge, a tool of the adversary, in an attempt to figure out what you feel is wrong in your life or others. It will only lead to smoke and mirrors put in your path by the adversary.
We, as a unit, a whole, as believers, need to be strong and of one mind. Not separated by sensitivities of this earth real existence. Trust in those who’ve been faithful and not led you astray. People who have been looking towards the light, offering help and assistance to those that need it. No one needs platitudes when they are parched, they need water, life giving water. It’s easy to see the difference. You just have to look through the fog of war that is raging all around you.
Do I follow these principals? I try. I honestly try. Am I successful? For the most part I am. Then again, I am human and subject to the physicality of our nature. I try to forgive, to forget and to understand those that don’t. I try to be the better man. I don’t always succeed but when I do, my reward is more than I can bare. You, yes, you, you know whom I’m talking to, should try it. You may discover something not just about yourself but about those you have been following for year after year. It’s a catch 22, if you will. You will always have questions and few answers, but you will always have peace and know that what you’ve done is for the best interest of your beliefs.
As I look down upon my word count I realize I’ve more than exceeded my weekly use of the English language, so instead of going on, I’m going to call it quits for the night and week. Besides, I have a story to flush out. Hopefully something that will get published and put some sheckles in my pocket.
Have a great week.