2012 can kiss my ass and 2013 better start to pucker up because I want none of the bullshit it has to offer. And with that statement I shall welcome you to my first blog of the New Year. A year I don’t want to have anything to do with. Because every time I think about it, I have an un-nerving sense of foreboding. And although I can’t see the darkening clouds of doom on the horizon yet, they have made their presence felt with a palpable stench which is more than psychosomatic and even tougher to wash off.
I’ve not kept it a secret what has been going on in my family’s life nor have I hidden how I feel about this incident or the ripple effects which will be felt for countless months and maybe even years to come. I have always tried to pride myself on being an observant person of my surrounding s as well as being goal oriented but I don’t think even the great character by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would be able to predict the repercussions of the mess that has been made of my reality.
With that explanation regurgitated for the umpteenth time in so many weeks, it is not the only reason I am happy 2012 is finally over. There have been many instances in the parenthetical three-sixty-five which drove me absolutely batshit-madcow-ragingbull-crazy. Crazy from frustration, from stagnancy and even the mundane task of trying to fall asleep or wake up, I know I can’t be alone in those feelings. Can I?
Can one person in this day and age actually be an island of emotion? So secluded in one’s life, regardless of how many people are around them that their solitude creates a world of desolation and grave solemnity. I pray no such instance can occur, but I fear it not only has, but will continue to happen regardless of what barriers we as a society build to damn the tide of frustrated men and women in my situation all over this oversized mud-ball we share with each other.
The angst we feel as individuals is held in such regard that one can almost imagine those frustrations manifesting themselves into a reality which can drive one to do irrational and improbable actions. It is a walking, talking, fire-breathing, demonic creature which, if given time, will destroy everything you hold near and dear. There is no physical armor or magical sword that can slay this beast. (For you gamers out there, you can’t use your +4 Vorpal blade and there is no saving throw against fire damage. This beast is worse than Cthulu and you have no hope in defending the mental attack you are about to be subjected to.)
I said physical… not spiritual.
There are many tools available to one in this situation or situations like the one I am in and I have been abusing these tools more than a thirteen year old boy abuses unfettered access to internet gaming sites. (That is the polite analogy. Not the one I initially thought of.) Do these tools help? Yes, they do. Not completely and not all the time, but they do help calm me down and keep me from going stark-raving-Joker-crazy.
The bad days are not as bad as I thought and the good days are never going to be as bright as they appear. I am striving to come to terms with all of this information and using all my will to keep heading down the tracks towards a lighter and brighter tomorrow. (I just hope the light I see ahead of me is not another oncoming train.)
Speaking of tomorrow, I have given some thought to resolutions for this coming year… and I have a few I will put out here for you to enjoy…
1. I resolve to NOT become a serial killer.
2. I resolve to NOT become a sociopath.
3. I resolve to NOT become a crack-head.
4. I resolve to NOT become a burden on society.
5. I resolve to do everything in my power to meet all obligations I have agreed to.
6. I resolve to make the most of the gifts I have.
7. I resolve to try and meet adversity with good humor.
Ok, seven resolutions is good. And yes, number seven is the one resolution I always have.
Happy New Year Dear Readers.
(There are a couple of personal resolutions that I am not going to mention here, nor will I mention them to anyone else. But, they are more “goal” oriented resolutions. And I try never to share those.)