Well, it’s a new year and I’ve started by posting a blog… late. I’d like to say I’ve been too busy to write but that would be a falsehood. I haven’t posted simply because I’ve not been in the mood. There has been too much crap going on in my life and I really didn’t want to post my dirty laundry here. So I won’t.
To be truthful, this is the second blog I’ve written this year. I’m not going to post the first one, simply because after reading it after I wrote it I realized it sucked. So, that one will just go in the files of non-posted blogs.
Normally, I review my list of successes and failures over the past 365 revolutions. The one failure that bugs me most is that I was not published this year, however; I will be published twice next year so that is cool. More on that when we are allowed to broadcast the information to the general public, but, I am excited about both books.
As far as my other successes, I did my second public reading with a legend in the horror community. A grandfather of the `1980’s horror rejuvenation, he was pleasant, humble and had amazing stories to convey to the lot of us. We sat in a courtyard, basked in sunlight, eating gourmet food, smoking good cigars and a pleasant breeze. Time passed way to quickly for us. By us, I mean the three writers and three close friends. It was almost surreal. Fond memories abound in my mind of that night. It was one of the highest points of my year.
As for my other failures, well, I didn’t lose my temper this past year. Which is good, however; I did get upset on several occasions and withdrew into myself. This action did not help any of the situations I was in. Eventually, I worked everything out and got myself back to normal. Which is really, all you can ask a person to do, and all you can really expect from yourself, unless you have unrealistic aspirations of yourself and others in your life?
Getting back to the year, it was not good for me. Matter of fact, 2015 is going to go in my record books as one of the top five worst years in my life. Personally that is. Too much stress, too much negativity and too much… stuff. Stuff that just bogs a person down with trivialities of life that in the end mean nothing, but while experiencing them, they are everything.
When you find yourself in that dark tunnel of monotony, of drek and sludge of life, and you don’t see a light ahead of you or behind you on your journey, it is hard to focus on happiness and solutions for a way out. In other words, you can’t see the light of the next day because you are stuck in the darkness of your own mind.
Trust me, I know about being stuck in one’s own mind. I’m mired down in my own mind almost every moment of every day. So much so that on more than one occasion during any given week I have at least two and sometimes three people telling me to “Get out of your head, Skip.”
I suppose I should heed this advice more often, hell, maybe make a sign and hang it in my office, on my rearview mirror of my car and motorcycle and then post another dozen or so in my house. That way I’ll always be reminded to stop living in the deep recess’s of my gray matter. Yet, as a wise man and brilliant writer said to me this past year “We’re writers, we’re reclusive by nature and verbal communication is not our strength. We live our lives observing everything and then tearing it all apart in our minds to try and figure out the truth of the situation. Then, when that is done, we twist it, turn it, bastardize it and make it more horrific or brilliantly more beautiful than it actually is. This is what we do, it’s in our DNA, and we are programmed to do this. There aint no way around it or stopping it. Just embrace it and write. Then you’ll finally get some rest and peace.”
He’s very wise.
During our conversation this statement made complete sense. After our conversation, I sort of forgot about it. Then, just a few days ago, the quote came crashing back into my life, waking me up from my stupor of introversion and depression, which is no easy task. The fog of self loathing slowly cleared and left me feeling a bit groggy and shameful.
Once I realized this, I believe I made my first resolution of the New Year, to be truthful, it will most likely be my only resolution of the new year. That resolution… “Stop letting the negativity of life get me down.”
It doesn’t sound like much, but in reality, to me, it may be one of the hardest things I have to do. Because I let all of life get to me, the ups and the downs. So much so, that I don’t understand how people don’t let life and all of its highs and lows not affect them. So, if you’re like me, or not, I hope that you too have made at least one resolution, one goal, one aspiration not matter how large or small to achieve by the end of the year.
I now have mine, and, like an idiot, I’ve posted it out here for all to see. So I am sure I will be held accountable.
What, if any objective have you set your sights on?
Have a great week.