Normally,
this time of year I write about Guy Fawkes and revolution. It’s true, check out
my previous early November blogs. Why do I talk about revolution in November?
Simple, Guy Fawkes and his failed attempt at revolution. However, some strange
force in the universe has guided me along another path.
Growing up,
as a child of the 1970’s, when television offered only three corporate channels
and one public access channel, my entertainment came either from prime time
programing or the Children’s Television Workshop. Sesame Street to be exact.
For some reason I didn’t connect with Kermit or any of the feel good Muppets.
Instead, The Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch were the characters I identified
with. Not the normal connection a young child should make.
To be
truthful, I think that, at the time, CTW placed unsavory characters in their shows
to instruct kids how they should not be. Grumpy, greedy, one sided and maybe a
bit self-centered. A monster, no, a person in touch with their inner selves and
life. Someone or something that truly
knows what makes them happy. Someone who knows what makes them happy in life.
Be it cookies or the suffering of others. Yup, they were the ones I identified
with were the outcasts and the disenfranchised.
Then they
introduced Mr. Snuffleufagus. His first name, Aloysious. A name I’m more than
familiar with. This character was usually depressed and felt like he was
invisible. Another trait I could identify with. Muppets with a singular
purpose. A goal in life and the knowledge of what makes them happy. Yup, that
is what I felt streaming out of the fluorescent information of the cathode ray
tube of small screen, large box televisions.
I was a
quiet and surly kid. A child who revolted and rebelled against any and all authority
that I came into contact with. My teachers, my parents, the neighbors and the
local police held any control over me. All I wanted was to feel normal, to be
accepted and to feel as if I was not as fucked up as everyone told me I was.
Doesn’t
seem like much to ask for, but ask yourself, “How do I explain to the world at
large and the folks in my life who and what I am?” You can’t. After all, how
many people in your life would really accept you for the person who stares back
at you in the mirror every morning? I mean seriously, what sort of fucked up
secrets that are rattling around inside of your head can you truly divulge to
the people in your life? You can’t. It’s simple math. Really, it is. Reach down
inside your most heinous thoughts and desires and then divulge them to the
person and people that are close to you.
My bet is
that you won’t do it. But, in this instance I can. I like being an outsider. A
person who is not in touch with his co-workers, their inner machinations of
life choices or the secret and unsubstantial jokes that provide a daily
recognition of one’s personal need for acknowledgement in life. Nope, I prefer
to be the one outside, the one who observes and sees the writing on the wall of
others path through this existence.
It is where
I am most comfortable. Like Oscar, like Cookie, like Mr. Snuffalapugus. I
prefer to be a ghost in the machine. After all, I know who and what I am, where
I belong and my eventual path will lead me. So, I will break all of this down
for you…
I have
maybe two or three friends I can talk to completely unshielded. If you think
you know who you are, then maybe you are. I have about fifteen acquaintances
who are right now thinking they are amongst the two or three folks in my inner
circle. Then there are the rest of you, the ones who read my blog, who I talk
to occasionally and we both walk away from the conversation feeling better
about ourselves. Then there are the people I’ve never met, who if they met me
in real life, on a day when I’m surly and cold would walk away thinking I’m
nothing like the person they thought I was.
Basically,
I’m Oscar the Grouch with a large portion of Cookie Monster thrown in and a
dash of Mr. Snuffflupagus. Yeah. I’m a muppet for the ages and I like it that
way.
Recently,
some co-workers told me I said something that I don’t recall saying. I trust
them in what they said and in the context of how I said it. Do I remember what
I said? Nope. I don’t. Are they at fault or am I? I would like to think they
are but I know differently.
I know who
I am and what I am. I am a man, a frustrated and sometimes angry man. A man who
tries to hold the ever changing world at bay and fails miserably. I’m a person
who doesn’t accept change readily or easily. I like the status quo and I don’t
want to diverge from it. No matter what the cost, the benefit or the detriment.
I like to keep things true to the nature of what is going on in the world as I
know it.
I am Oscar
the Grouch, I am the Cookie Monster. I am a disgruntled and frustrated middle
age person who longs for a simpler time. A time before mass media and instant
gratification of the internet. Even though I benefit from the later more than I
do from the former.
Which
muppet are you?
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