Which is not to say
that I have been idle, I have not. I’ve written a nice flash fiction ghost tale
during these past two weeks. I’ve even managed to write a blog, but, I never
posted it. Which is strange for me but where all of this began…
You
see, two weeks ago, after I had just finished what was to be my blog for the
week, I got a bit waylaid. Not in a highwayman manner. No, this was more
subtle. Subtle in the form of a social life that I’ve never really wanted but
now seem neck deep in. Game night, once a month at a buddies house, usually
there are six to eight people there. We play “Magic the Gathering”, eat snacks
and then play “Cards Against Humanity”. Some guys bring their significant
others, most of us though, geeks from conception, adults through age, and wise
from experience, know our lady loves don’t dig on grown men slapping cards on a
table and talking about wizards, spells, plainswalkers and magical artifacts.
Matter
of fact, the ladies that do show up, spend this time sitting around the living
room and surfing internet fashion sites. With an occasional stop by a cute
kitty picture site, which to us mages, makes up chuckle. (I’m sure the ladies
do their own type of chuckling, hidden behind raised hands and rolling eyes.)
I’m
usually the first to leave since I get up early on Saturday mornings, the rest
of the gamers play till the wee hours of the morning. Good for them.
Also,
on the social front, I’ve spent many an evening with the Garage Gang. Most
recently sitting around bonfires where I find my mind wandering away from the
nothing discussions of the folks around me. Usually I end up in places of my
brain that lead to writing and discovery, in those cases, where I’m not
over-analyzing but hyper-analyzing life, fire, comfort, friendship and where we
all fit in the universe, one of the Gang recognizes this and will jab me
verbally with sword of nonsense. Then I snap back into the moment.
Those
moments, beautiful, heady moments of men, women and children in the throes of
life’s brief seconds of living. Stationary moments, frozen in my mind’s eye.
Smiles, laughter, joy, passion, and a communal oneness that I can’t seem to
sink into like they do. Mostly, I feel they, my friends are earth and I’m the satellite
moon in constant orbit. I’m two-hundred-thirty-eight thousand nine-hundred
miles from sitting in the midst of humanity even though I’m physically two feet
from the nearest person. An emotional detachment? No. Physical? No. Mental? No,
not that either.
It’s
something different that slows my immersion into the messy, wallowing,
mud-slinging, dirty, complicated, hilariously simple world of human relations.
Sure, I joke a bit, I answer questions, give my own two-cents when I’m asked
and sometimes not asked. But, I always feel as if I’m an observer to some alien
species. It’s all good though, they accept me for who and what I am, they don’t
even fuss when I leave without saying goodbye. After all, there is only so much
one can take of interactions with others. At least in my case that is.
This
seems to be an overcomplicated explanation of why I’ve been absent for two
weeks. I don’t think so. I want you to understand I wasn’t ignoring you,
instead, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. Me writing, you reading,
and for a day or two there, I actually thought about not writing at all
anymore. Then something happened…
Something
, someone said to me years ago came true…
I
won’t say who was involved but I discovered that what I’ve been doing, what my
words have been doing, have had an impact that I would never have thought. So I
shall keep going, keep writing and keep bleeding on whatever keyboard happens
to be in front of me. Damn all the bullshit, damn the pain, damn the
exhaustion. Just one look, one word, one smile… that’s all I needed.
So
for better or worse, my exile seems to be over and you guys are stuck with me.
Have
a great week.
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