Friday, April 12, 2013

Now Hiring

I’m forty-five years old and in a few short months I will be forty –six. In all those years and through all my journeys like trekking through various woods on hunting trips, exploring caverns in Israel, climbing pyramids in Egypt, swimming in the Dead Sea, mountain climbing in California, riding dirt bikes through forests and quads in mud flats, I have always been fortunate to not get bitten by spiders, blood sucked by leaches, attacked by bears, lions or tigers. But yesterday, a day I had off and was out riding around on Bernadette I stopped at a local park to stretch my legs, get something to drink and use the bathroom. As I walked through the freshly cut grounds that overlooked a branch of the Elizabeth river I felt peace, comfort and joy.
            That is until after my nightly shower. I found a bump on my leg. It was on the back of my right thigh. I thought at first it was a pimple or a scab, but it was located in a spot I could not see, no matter how much I twisted and turned. So, I asked my wife to look at it. She did so and quickly announced it was a “TICK”. I’ve never had a tick on me before, I’ve seen them on dogs, cows, deer and other people but I have never been the unfortunate recipient of one of Mother Nature’s natural vampires. I’ve been lucky I suppose. Plus, as a kid in boy scouts I learned how to tuck pants into socks, wear long sleeves and a hat to help prevent these little parasites from making you their meal.
            As my wife slowly and carefully pried that little blood sucker out of my leg I was trying to watch “Batman: Brave and Bold” on Netflix. (Hey, I’m a geek, this is what I watch.) The story line was one with the “Blue Beetle” trying to discover his origins. I was right at the part where these little bug like robots were chasing after Bats and Beetle and every single of them looked like a giant tick. And they were all wielding missiles and guns. I tried not to let this unusual yet serendipitous turn of events get under my skin (See what I did there?) but I couldn’t. All I could think of was my youngest sister who had been an unsuspecting host to one of these little critters and then she found out she had Lyme’s disease. I don’t know what Lyme’s disease is and I’m afraid to look on the internet, because I know how crazy people can get in their descriptions of certain facts on the net.
            My wife got the creature out of my leg and flushed it down the toilet, she assured me she got the entire head and body out of my leg and then she started to read me some of the warning symptoms of Lyme’s disease. I tried to tune her out and watch the next episode of Batman. In this episode, Atom and Aquaman shrink down and go inside of Bats because he has been infected by some type of parasite that had taken root at the base of Bats brain. Microscopic mayhem ensued and the parasites were destroyed before Bats was killed. I can’t say if I felt better or not. I turned off Netflix and started doing a web search for Aquaman and Atom. If any of you guys know where these to Hero’s are, please send them my way… I have a job for them.

            Have a great week, and inspect your body for blood suckers.

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