I, like most people, am a creature of habit. I don’t like it when my life takes an unexpected turn or when some minor irritation becomes an everyday commonplace occurrence that seats itself inside your psyche like an unobtainable splinter. Hiding just under your skin and sliding away, deeper and more painful every time you get close to extracting the damnable irritant. This has been the case since a week before Thanksgiving, when I discovered I had lost my check book, mortgage payment book, car payment book and my 16 gigabyte back up flash drive. You wanna talk about a realization that makes your sphincter water tight, this is it. I was and have been a bit out of sorts, more than I thought I was.
To put it bluntly, I’ve been so concerned about the misplacement my fiscal accountability that I have been incapable of maintaining a respectable flow intelligent thought. Which means, I have not been writing my blogs or my fiction too much, sure, I’ve pounded out a few drafts for blogs and even outlined a new story and regurgitated about a thousand words on an existing story, but for me to be able to communicate to you properly, I truly need to not have any unnecessary worries piled on top of my daily concerns. And the worst part of it is that I didn’t even realize how much the loss of those items affected me.
I’ve been at best a bit moody and distracted in tasks that I normally could do with my eyes closed. Yes, I make mistakes; I’m not too proud or big headed to claim I’m perfect. Hell, if I go through a day and only make a dozen errors I consider it to be a good day.
So, today, as I was walking through my dining room and into my kitchen I noticed a plastic shopping bag sitting on my piano. (What? You don’t keep your piano in the dining room?) So as I passed the bag I snatched it up in my hand believing it was just another empty bag left lying around by one of my fellow housemates for the sole purpose of driving me more insane than I already am. But as I pulled it towards me in my left hand I felt the weight of something shifting inside and my curiosity told me to open the recyclable satchel and figure out what it was.
Once my eyes accepted what I was looking at I stopped dead in my tracks. The shackled grip of fear and anxiety started to un-tether itself from my soul. Relief and renewal of my spirit washed over me.
So, now I am sitting here at 0012 in the morning with the slew gates of my mind wide open. I’ve forgotten what it felt like. Also, more than a bit disturbed at how easily the roadblocks of life become the creative artery clogging cholesterol of ID stress. Man, it sucks. But, and I hope this is true; my arteries have become roto-rooted with the locating of my tethers to my financial responsibilities and creative outlets.
Have a great week everyone!