I’ve always been a watcher, an observer, a student who studies the comings, goings and behaviors of the people around them. Or, at least I have tried to be overthe course of my life. This behavior has helped me through the course of mylife. It has also hindered me in the fact that I have been a bit slow to respond to people when they ask me a question and I am weighing in my mind what they want to hear and what I believe in.
So, I should not have been too surprised when I discovered an almost ancient truth the other night. The truth? “The apple does not fall far from the tree.” I guess, I need to explain myself and the situation a bit further… so listen upand read carefully because I have no idea how many toes I am about to step on.
A personI have known for the past thirteen years, I shall call this person… Chris…that’s a nice androgynous name, I’ve known Chris since he/she was about fourteen years old. Now, Chris has gone on to college, graduated early, still lives at home with his/her folks and proclaims his/her independence. This person I have seen grow from adolescent awkwardness into a semi-responsible adult.
Over the years, I have tried to build a relationship with Chris, help Chris when he/she needed it. Assist when Chris wanted to do volunteer work to pad his/her graduation resume. Look the other way when Chris was doing things inappropriate in a public space with his/her boyfriend/girlfriend. Offer simple yet sage advice about such things as careers, goals, savings accounts, politics andvacation spots when he/she asked me. In other words, trying to be a good person who helps others.
But…but… but… I should have known, for you see my dear reader, I am an acquired taste. If you hang around me long enough you know I speak my mind. This habit comes from the fact that I see life as a short but fruitful experience. Most people, young people that is, can’t handle this sort of honesty and openness. To be blunt, I speak my fucking mind. I don’t hold back and I refuse to try and take your feelings into consideration when you are goofing up so badly that you don’t even know it.It’s a personality quirk that endears me to somet but alienates me to those among the human race who are lying to themselves and the people around them.
This seems to be the case with Chris, and I had such high hopes for him/her. Chris over the past year has proven himself/herself to be a cut from the same cloth as one of his/her parents. I will call this parent Pat, another nice androgynous name. Pat, who for a lack of a better term, has lost faith in everything andeveryone. He/she, Pat that is, has been overheard saying on numerous occasions“If you lie to me then you will steal from me and I HATE a liar.” Now, as much as I would like to go intoeverything that is WRONG with that statement right here and right now, I won’t.Why? Because we all know this is a falsehood and holds about as much water as a colander full of pasta for Sunday’s spaghetti dinner.
For you see, Chris has been influenced all his/her life by the negativity of Pat. A negativity that has gone unchecked and will fester like an open wound untilChris is sitting alone in an empty house devoid of any happiness that could have been found or built upon because he/she refuses to recognize that people in his/her life mean no harm or malice to Chris’s life and that any misunderstandings or mistakes that may occur are purely accidental in nature.This misconception of humanities intentional harm is going to be the downfallof not just him/her but of humanity itself.
I have stated or implied in a lot of posts that I truly believe we as humans, are good in nature. I want to; no I NEED to believe this. Not just for myself but for my daughter. I want to believe that one hundred years from now, some semblance ofme will exist in some form or another. I want to believe that down the line mydaughter will tell her grandchildren stories of her insane, out of control,train addicted father and that all the work I did for the betterment of my community will not have gone to waste.
I suppose I am speaking of posterity, and all the implications of leading a goodlife and trying to do right by our fellow earthy compatriots imply. Of tryingto overcome the obstacles that have been put in our path not just by ourparents and lineage but by our government and elected officials. THAT WE ASLIVING, BREATHING, THINKING BEINGS have an opportunity to be better than theexample which was set for us by the fallible and impressionable humans beforeus. We can rise above our situations andbe better than the people who came before us. All we have to do is strive to do better, and not make the same mistakes our predecessors have made.
I knowI have tried to be better and to overcome the trappings of my examples in mylife. Have I been successful? I would like to say yes, but I know there are many times when I have failed. When I have succumbed to the easy, angry and blazed path of my forefathers in how I deal with failure, insecurity and perceived insult. I’ve lashed out in anger, pride and a wrong sense of righteousness. And I’ve paid for it in aloss of pride and self dignity. I’ve had to crawl back to my station and ask for forgiveness when I knew I was wrong. Swallow the pride of my native Polish/American roots. It hurt and I am sure it will hurt again.
To see this person, Chris, follow in the steps of his/her negatively charged parent hurts me and I wish I could do something about it. But, I know I can’t. Only Chris can change the course of his/her life and I hope he/she does soon.Because I would hate to think that the dysfunction of his/her childhood getspassed on to another generation.
Lastly,I would like you to do some homework this week, go to your child or significant other and love on them. Tell them you need them in your life and that you wantthem to help you be the best that you can be.
Have agreat week.