Family

            Who are they? Where do they come from and why are they in our lives?

            Sure, when we are young they are our safe haven, our confidants, our teachers and our punishers.

            But when we get older, when we are alone and have to find our own families we have a tendency to fill our familial void with people who have similar personality traits or maybe just caricatures of our Aunts, Uncles, Mother, Father, Sister, Brother or cousins.

            We seek out new father figures in friends, bosses or even mentors. The same is true for mother figures. We pick out those characteristics that have endeared themselves into our heart and mind and find a mate or a friend who can fill those missing pieces in our lives.

            In a sense, we build our families from what we’ve learned and experienced in our youth. We also subtract those traits we don’t like. However; there are times when we are stunted in our judgement and we unconsciously fill the gaps with the same problematic issues that haunted us as children.

            Yes, overcoming the bad is difficult and it seems to take a concerted effort to cut the scars of our lives open, figure out what caused them and then seek out a person who seems to not be as damaged as you are or the people of your past. It seems to be part of growth into maturity.

            There are those in the world who are unable to do this. People who can’t overcome their past and fall into the cycle of pain. Both giving and receiving.

            To me, family isn’t supposed to be about pain. Yes, there is pain as is the nature of life. But as I get older and the visages of my youth fall into the vaporous past, I find that the old pains that filled my heart and mind as a young adult and all the angst, anger and disillusionment those moments made me feel desolate and my life barren just fall to the wayside of my life.

            Yes, good memories seem to flood my mind of times spent with all members of my blood. Even when my blood family and I get together and throw our laundry of youth onto the table, we seem to laugh at the bad and get misty eyed at our good.

            We become nostalgic and sometimes… maudlin.

            When the conversation comes around to our current work, our state of our own created family, the stories inevitably get compared to our own adventures and misadventures of youth. A strange and interesting dichotomy is created so that we all can feel a part of the stories we’ve missed out on.

            Then we share our wishes, dreams, hopes and fears. All of which amaze me in the degrees of change from what I remember from so many years ago.

            I’m not immune to these changes. Like everyone else as time passes, my psyche changes to my current age as do my dreams, hopes and fears.

            When, as adults, our mates become the collective creation of all of our lives. We depend on them. We tell them everything. We trust them and pour into them everything we’ve been through. They essentially become the only family we ever really and truly needed.

            Sure, we have kids, but they move forward with their lives and attempt to create their own family. I hope that my own child will create a family that is better than I helped create for her. I dream of having a house full of grandkids who talk incessantly about things I’ve no clue about. Television shows, internet sites, technology and advances in science and humanity that have passed like so much laughter and tears from a life well lived.

            In the end I guess what I’m trying to say is “We have within us the power to create our own families in our own best image and to pass on to the future a better life for all.”

Have a great week.

Update 101

I’ve taken a break from writing for almost six weeks now. This was not a planned break, it just sort of happened, like a lot of things in life. You know what I’m talking about. You get into a routine, you commit to something, a job, a hobby, a planned night out with your loved one and then BOOM! Life zigs when you thought it was zagging. And, in my case, I’ve been stuck in that zig. However; with the writing of this blog, I hope to get back on the proverbial horse and continue my communication with you kind folks out in the world.

            I suppose I should give you a small explanation about what has transpired in my life since the start of this break.

            It all started with brake lights. The brake lights of a silver car in front of me as I was riding home from the grocery store with my saddle bags laden with food I was going to prepare for dinner. We were approaching a stop light, it was red and we were braking. Then the car slammed on its brakes and I had a choice to make. Either hit the car and go flying over it ass over teakettle and possible break my neck, or, brake my bike harder and try to swerve to avoid hitting the car. I chose the latter.

            Which caused me to dump my bike and receive a free ride to the hospital in an ambulance. And, so as not to bore you with all the details I shall just say that I was banged up but not as bad as my bike was. I attribute this to the fact that I was not going fast, I was already braking and I did the right thing. Something that had been instilled in me since I started riding forty years ago. I can’t remember who told me what to do when I first climbed on that mini-bike but the advice was repeated to me over and over throughout my life. That advice is this “It’s always better to dump your bike than hit an obstacle.”

            Everyone from the paramedics, cops and even the guys at the dealership said I did the right thing. Which is cool. Which is when the waiting started. I had to wait five long weeks without riding. Now, if you’ve never ridden then you probably don’t understand what sort of hell this is for a biker. It is almost like losing an appendage.

            During the first week of recuperation I thought about writing. Just thought about it. I never actually sat down and did any though. I just didn’t feel like I’d be able to convey to you fine folks exactly what I was going through. Also, I’ve been working on other issues in my life. Issues that are too personal to go into here but just know, if I didn’t address these issues, I’d most likely be making a much larger change in my life. One that would most likely lead me down a road of destruction and loneliness. So I made the changes. Well, I should say that I am currently making the changes. The results so far have been extremely positive.

            Enough about that.

            Also, just a few short days ago, my story “Knackered” was published by “Great British Horror” in their anthology titled “What Goes Around”. If you dig horror, speculative fiction or just want some disturbing verbal imagery, I highly recommend you purchase either the digital copy or if you have a few more shekels in your pocket please feel free to by the trade paperback edition and know that your money will go to the writers and their families. Which is a good thing.

            During all this, the book being published, my body healing, work and other issues, I’ve just not really felt the need to sit down and pour my heart and soul out on paper.

            Also, I’ve been invited to help start something I feel a bit conflicted about. On the one hand I think there is a lot of good that can come of it, on the other hand, I’ve never been much of a joiner and all I ever see and hear about organizations is the bad shit that comes down the pike after the fact. So, where this is concerned, I’m in a wait and see mode. I have to make sure that my ideals and semi-professional writing attitudes are represented.

            On a lighter note, I have family in town right now. They drove down here to spend a week with me and my family. It has been, as of this writing, a great time. I’ve thoroughly every moment of their visit so far. There has been a lot of laughter and good conversation as well as hurried outings to various places around the area.

            Sure, there have been some stressful moments, which is to be expected when you have so many people camped out in a house, but for the most part, all has been pleasant and enjoyable. I look forward to more time spent with them and I abhor the day when they have to head back north.

            Okay, I think this is enough for now. I’m just getting my feet wet again with opening up and I’m getting a bit tired.

            I hope you all have been well and surrounded by loved ones who care for you and that the darkness of life has not lit upon your doorstep.

            Have a great week.